Happy New Year ya’ll

I wish all of you all the best and luck and love in 2009. Put bad memories made in 2008 aside and head for a fresh start. At least that’s what I’ll try to do. Right now I have no idea what this year might hold for me, but there are some changes that I have to have in my life very soon (or else I might just quit).
On the personal level 2008 was definitely the worst of my entire life. Which may be why I have consumed more alcohol than in the 8 years or so before. Although I had hoped that my move into a new apartment would be a change in my life for the better, it did not at all turn out that way. I still have not arrived and I have no place right now that I would consider “home”. 2008 has been a year of struggling my way back into some kind of socialization. I have revived some old acquaintances and I have stopped sitting at home all by myself. However, I have realized that it is not as easy for me to connect with people as it used to be. I notice a certain kind of superficiality and lack of personal loyalty in people which keeps me from calling someone a real friend. Maybe I just expect the wrong things or others expect things from me that I am unaware of, but this discovery has been somewhat hurtful. I am severely pissed about all the egomaniacs I am surrounded with and I really need to see to reducing my altruism. I can be exploited way to easily when I like someone. Maybe my stance of generally not liking people (or at least not becoming somehow attached to them) of the past few years wasn’t so bad after all. I have not ever been so mentally (and indeed emotionally) exhausted as I have been in 2008 and when there was that one moment in November that could have ended it all I did not even care. That still upsets me.
As far as my software activities go I have done less private software programming and it is in fact continuously getting harder for me to focus enough on software that probably is never going to be used by anyone except me. I will seek a new job and I really hope I can get one that is more fulfilling and bears for me a perspective to some foreseeable ends.

2009 MUST be different. In a positive way.

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